An Unexpected Journey with Wellbutrin
Two days ago, I embarked on a new journey. No, it's not a grand adventure or a daring escapade, but a journey with Wellbutrin, an antidepressant. The journey is still in its infancy, but I’ve noticed a subtle improvement in my mental state.
Dreams and Wellbutrin
Interestingly, my dreams have become more vivid since I started taking Wellbutrin. For instance, I dreamt of being bitten by a frog, a rather unusual scenario that points to the changes happening within my brain.
Disentangling Effects
The challenge, however, lies in disentangling the effects of Wellbutrin from other ongoing changes in my life. For instance, my job search has been picking up momentum recently. Consequently, it's tough to determine whether my improved mental state results from the medication, the job responses, or a combination of both.
A Growing Attraction to Medical School
Interestingly, as my job search lengthens, my willingness to consider medical school is on the rise. As the prospects of landing a tech job seem to fade, the allure of medical school becomes increasingly pronounced. I’ve come to the realization that I will consider the path of medicine once all other alternatives are exhausted.
Medical School: A Gritty Reality
But let's be clear, medical school is no easy feat. Regardless of how much it's glamorized, it's just another hurdle to overcome. Beyond the noble goal of helping people, there are practical outcomes to achieve. Passing tests, securing good evaluations, and mastering a vast body of knowledge are all part of the journey. It's a challenge that demands determination, discipline, and resilience.
Wellbutrin and Hindsight Realizations
Interestingly, my time on Wellbutrin has led to some seemingly obvious realizations, only clear in hindsight. I realize that I am mostly content with my life. I cherish the freedom to attend different festivals on weekends and the joy of being celebrated for using my brain. If anything, having a PhD seems like the only missing piece in my ideal world. But even then, it wouldn't significantly alter my day-to-day life. It’s merely a qualification I'd like to have.
I believe I'll pursue a PhD when I am ready to dive deep into concentrated research and truly enjoy the day-to-day activities involved in the process.
Telic vs Atelic Goals
This brings me to the distinction between telic and atelic goals. Telic goals have a clear end point, like obtaining a PhD or graduating from medical school. Atelic goals, on the other hand, are ongoing activities that we enjoy for their own sake, like reading a book or attending festivals.
I've come to understand that I want to structure my life around atelic goals - the things I enjoy doing daily. The telic goals, like acquiring a PhD or navigating medical school, are important but they shouldn't overshadow the importance of enjoying the journey.
Conclusion
In the past two days, my journey with Wellbutrin has not just helped improve my mental state but also brought several insights into focus. It has made me ponder on my career prospects, consider alternate paths, and reflect on the kind of goals I want to pursue. So, here’s to embracing the journey, appreciating the present, and working towards a future that brings contentment and fulfillment.
Note: this is not an endorsement of Wellbutrin or any other depression treatment or SSRI.